When we have a relationship end, it leaves mental scars. How you heal those scars determines the quality of your future relationships.
The problem is, rather than healing ourselves, we chose to bury the pain. We may bury the pain with shopping, work, anti-depressants, drugs, and other things. Doing these things merely covers the pain, as opposed to allowing you to work your way through it, which in turn allows you to heal.
In one of my favorite stories, set in medieval times, two monks who are on a long journey are walking through a great forest. One is middle-aged, and has been with their monastic order for years. The other is young and new to the order. As they walk along the path, the hours go by, sometimes in conversation, sometimes in silence.
At one point, they come upon a wide, rapid stream. Sitting at the edge of the water is a young woman, who is evidently in some distress. As soon as she sees the two monks, a look of relief comes over her face, and she hurries up to them. “Father,” she says, addressing the older of the two, “you would be doing me the greatest favor if you would carry me across. The water is swift, and I do not know how to swim. If I should slip and fall . . . .”
“Of course, my child,” the monk replies, “I would be most willing to carry you across.” The young monk shoots his companion a surprised glance–for under the rules of their order, they are strictly forbidden to talk to women, much less touch them. Nevertheless, the older monk takes the young woman up in his arms, carries her across the stream, and sets her down safely on the other side completely dry. After thanking them graciously, she goes on her way, and the two monks continue on their journey.
The young monk begins to berate to older monk.
“How could you? What were you thinking!?!” asked the young monk angrily.
“Yes, I know,” replied the monk hoping that would be the end of it. But the young monk would have non of it and continued to badger him.
“How, then, could you carry that woman across the stream?”
My son,” he replied, “I put the young woman down two hours ago. But you my friend, you are the one still carrying her.”
What baggage are you still carrying? What baggage have you brought into your current relationships that unfairly punish your new love?
Isn’t it time YOU put down your baggage?
Suppose for a moment that you meet The ONE. DO you think that he’s going to see you as a potential wife and partner if you’re still talking about all the messed up men you’ve been with in your life? Do you think he’s going to want to dive into a serious relationship with you if you snap at him for doing things that remind you of your ex? Hell no? So, like the monk in the story said, let go of your baggage…or plan on eventually becoming the crazy neighborhood lady with 30 cats.