Is Your Past Relationship Baggage Keeping You From Meeting The ONE?

Microsoft PowerPoint - Emotional Baggage PosterWhen we have a relationship end, it leaves mental scars. How you heal those scars determines the quality of your future relationships.
The problem is, rather than healing ourselves, we chose to bury the pain. We may bury the pain with shopping, work, anti-depressants, drugs, and other things. Doing these things merely covers the pain, as opposed to allowing you to work your way through it, which in turn allows you to heal.

In one of my favorite stories, set in medieval times, two monks who are on a long journey are walking through a great forest. One is middle-aged, and has been with their monastic order for years. The other is young and new to the order. As they walk along the path, the hours go by, sometimes in conversation, sometimes in silence.

At one point, they come upon a wide, rapid stream. Sitting at the edge of the water is a young woman, who is evidently in some distress. As soon as she sees the two monks, a look of relief comes over her face, and she hurries up to them. “Father,” she says, addressing the older of the two, “you would be doing me the greatest favor if you would carry me across. The water is swift, and I do not know how to swim. If I should slip and fall . . . .”

“Of course, my child,” the monk replies, “I would be most willing to carry you across.” The young monk shoots his companion a surprised glance–for under the rules of their order, they are strictly forbidden to talk to women, much less touch them. Nevertheless, the older monk takes the young woman up in his arms, carries her across the stream, and sets her down safely on the other side completely dry. After thanking them graciously, she goes on her way, and the two monks continue on their journey.

The young monk begins to berate to older monk.
“How could you? What were you thinking!?!” asked the young monk angrily.
“Yes, I know,” replied the monk hoping that would be the end of it. But the young monk would have non of it and continued to badger him.
“How, then, could you carry that woman across the stream?”
My son,” he replied, “I put the young woman down two hours ago. But you my friend, you are the one still carrying her.”
What baggage are you still carrying? What baggage have you brought into your current relationships that unfairly punish your new love?
Isn’t it time YOU put down your baggage?

Suppose for a moment that you meet The ONE. DO you think that he’s going to see you as a potential wife and partner if you’re still talking about all the messed up men you’ve been with in your life? Do you think he’s going to want to dive into a serious relationship with you if you snap at him for doing things that remind you of your ex? Hell no? So, like the monk in the story said, let go of your baggage…or plan on eventually becoming the crazy neighborhood lady with 30 cats.

Mr. Bigger, Better Deal a.k.a The BBD Player:

The BBD Player is a close cousin to the Perpetual Child. He sees life as a nonstop stop game of one up man ship. “Can I find a hotter girl? Can I find a younger girl? Can I find a freakier girl in the bedroom? His problem is based on the fact that he has unrealistic expectations of finding what he feels would be the ideal woman. Of course, he’s never going to find her because she doesn’t exist, but that doesn’t stop him from blowing through girl, after girl in this endless search. Inevitably, a relationship with him is short lived because he will start making up reasons to criticize you so he can pick fights with you. During this time, he will be actively courting one or more women that he feels may reach is very high (yet unrealistic ideals) BBD Players end up being the creepy old guy at the club, because he doesn’t realize that he’s way past his expiration date, and still thinks he can hook up with the young hotties.

Has This Type of Player Left You Heartbroken? The “I Hate Women Player”

The “I Hate Women” Player:

“Primates which have never loved early, never love late.” – H.F. Harlow

This one is the most dangerous to watch out for because he has the ability to do the most damage to you!  If you’re used to men always hitting on you, this one has a lot of appeal because he’s the one that is “emotionally unavailable.”  He instantly becomes a challenge to you.  He’s not like all the other guys or so you think!  He doesn’t give me the time of day!  And the game is afoot!  You feel that his aloof nature is simply him playing hard to get. What you don’t  realize is that he’s not playing hard to get, he’s simply emotionally detached, and doesn’t  like women. Sure he’ll take you for a “spin around the block” but the damage to your heart and soul may take years to repair.

A friend of mine, I’ll call him James is the stereotypical I Hate Women Player.  He’s a great guy. Smart, funny, handsome, but he’s got one serious demon lurking in his past.  When he was six years old, his drug addicted mother put him up for adoption.  He spent the next 12 years of his life bouncing from one abusive foster home to another. As soon has he turned 18 he went out on his own, but the scars of being abandoned by his mother still haunt him.  He’s now forty and still single.   READ MORE about the various Players, the way they manipulate you and how to protect yourself